To be needy and vulnerable
It’s difficult to be needy, to be weak and to show our imperfections. For the last few years I managed to create such a resistance to the possibility of attaching to anything or anyone that the way I spoke changed too. The words “need,” “should”, “have to” and the feelings of missing and needing the presence of anyone or anything were systematically taken out of my spoken vocabulary as if to say- “if I don’t speak this way- I will not feel this way”. Little did I know, my mind was playing tricks on me and trying to cover up these weaknesses that existed within me.
With the commitment I made to meet the truth in myself I had no choice but to realize I had been lying to myself and it’s time to face this pain. “IF I AM NEEDY - I AM WEAK” became “Sometimes I am in need and it’s ok.” “I DON’T FEEL THAT I MISS ANYONE - I CAN BE COMPLETELY HAPPY AND FULFILLED WITH THE PRESENCE OF MYSELF” became “Sometimes I am lonely and wish to be held and supported by someone who loves me.” “I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO THEN I AM NOT AS FREE AS I CAN BE.” became “There are commitments and responsibilities that I have to do as a person living in this world and I’m ready to take them on.” I found a new sense of freedom in letting go of the rules I created of what is ok to feel and what is ok to say. What I’m feeling right now is more true than any mind-made rules that distance me from my experience in this moment. And in this moment there is much peace.