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Me or them?

When I'm helping someone else, how much do I focus on them, and how much do I bring myself into the story?

Is my role as the helper to give my insights, understandings, advices and share my own experiences? Or is my role to listen, to ask questions, to allow the other to reach the answers themselves with my guidance?

Maybe they just need me to ask and help point them in the direction that I know to be true. If I say it to them directly. they might not REALLY get it as much as they will if they figure it out themselves.

Or maybe I can share my own experiences so that they can learn about themselves just by listening to what I did or how I felt.

Or should I just tell them the answer, because if I don't, they'll stay lost. Plus, they asked me for help, so I should probably help any way I can.

Every helper is different, every helpee is also different and needs different things.

As the helper, I need to learn how to listen to what they really need. I need to also listen to what's alive in me. Many times the answer comes from how I'm feeling. If I can tune in to myself, sometimes there is a question coming up, sometimes a story and other times I just want to shake them and yell "Can't you see how clear the answer is?!"

What do you think? What's your preferred way of helping? Of being helped?


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